And on a phone interview no less!
It’s 2:30 pm. I am standing in my dining room more anxious this round than the last, considering that this is the second interview. When Jessica calls me, I am instantly greeted with warm tones. Our small talk is lively. We talk about the east coast versus the west coast because I mention that I’m moving. Those five minutes were such a breeze that the thought of me disclosing just seemed…
It felt like one of those moments where you see something on someone’s face while they’re talking, and you keep thinking, “Should I tell them? Of course, I’ll tell them! Maybe not now. Just right after this. Well, maybe they’ll coincidently brush it off.” But fast forward 5 hours later, you part ways, and you shamefully have to accept that you never did! You didn’t want to ruin the moment or upset someone. Sure!
Quick sidebar- if someone has something on their face, please tell them. IMO, I don’t think it’s a big deal unless it was a bad date or a mean customer, which in that case, they’ll figure it out.
So here I was knowing that I could skip the uncomfortableness for myself if there is something that will cause me to stutter later on, but the conversation was flowing! How could I?
And so I didn’t.
I’ll be honest with you. One part of me thought that if she read my resume or if it came up in conversation that I work as an intern for the National Stuttering Association (which it did), then the indirect would imply the obvious. A more troubling part of me thought that if you are comfortable, then maybe you won’t stutter.
Spoiler alert: I didn’t stutter that much.
I had some stumbles, and in all fairness, I was asking most of the questions.
I just did not want to ruin the moment. And a part of me was wondering if that would bite me in the ass later, but I risked it anyway. Out of countless interviews where I did disclose, I risked it anyway.
It shows that my internal discourse with disclosure is ongoing. While I can’t say me disclosing in past interviews always helped me, I can also say I have had successful interviews without disclosing.
However, one question remains- what does this further say about my acceptance journey?