Why I Become the Shy Girl in a New Environment

If you have no idea what it means to be shy, or timid, or quiet, I certainly cannot show you now because you probably never been or were too young to remember. Despite my mother having other opinions about my demeanor growing up, I can say with confidence that I enjoyed (and continue to enjoy) not standing out when I am in a new setting.

Why?

It has made me wildly observant.

The benefits of being shy

You can read the room better

Now, it is important to make a name for yourself and be impressionable. But you can be shy and make a name for yourself. If you aren’t out there trying to be the life of the room then you can see:
- how people interact
- how the space shifts within the peoples’ interactions
- what roles people play
- what relationships others have with the other
- where you would fit within the space

If you take the time to sit and read the room, it is remarkable how quickly you see patterns, interactions, gestures, mannerisms, and hierarchies so quickly. And while in some cases it could be quite a good power play to have such knowledge (because let’s be honest, most people don’t know that there’s always someone watching), it is very helpful to know what role you want to play in that space.

Also, it is great so you don’t act or say anything that you might not have said had you read the room first.

People love to talk and you’ll find out more about them than you probably would have later down the line

Let everyone else do the talking.

You are probably asking, “Well I want them to get to know me.”

Don’t worry, they will! Months may go by and they’ll probably forget that you ever started off as quiet. Most will say, “It took them some time to open up but after a while, they were so…”

If there’s one thing we should all know about humans it is that they love to talk. Not only do they love to talk about themselves, no matter how humble they are, but they love to talk about other people or things they know. Many people also loathe awkward silence, so if no one else is talking then they’ll just keep talking and suddenly it goes from how they first met Janet to how they notoriously have toxic relationships.

And you did not have to say a word!

For example:

In the workplace — the stream of conversation will go from the work culture > some fun facts about the team > why Travis is never allowed to chose the holiday catering > people to avoid in the office.

In a socialized setting — the host talks about what kind of event this is > who is there > the gossip behind Joey and Anne > why the host's dish is the best one on the table > why her outfit choice actually stemmed out of insecurity instead of confidence.

Now take this with a grain of salt esp with the gossip: you should form your own opinions of the new people you’ve met. But for the initial integration, you will learn so much if you let people speak, probably more than you need to.

But with that being said, it gives you more of an idea of who that person actually is without having to really ask.

Extra Credit: Listen Well

I’m not saying eavesdrop but I will admit, I am the bearer of many secrets. My little birds tell me everything.

People come to me with all sorts of stuff that I never tell. I also hear things that I probably shouldn’t. But people will put a lot more faith in you because you are a good listener. And while there is no shame in talking about yourself, I am just the person who likes to say less about my life. I don’t want people to know as much as I know about them. And that is just my personal preference. And what I chose to put online is my decision. But if you are a Gemini or like the hot goss, if you listen well, then you’ll definitely have some good party stories to tell.

Just make sure none of them are within six degrees of the person that you know. Don’t be the one to release the drama.

With that being said, pull out that ear wax. You got some people watching to do.

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Asia Monét

Asia Monét

A 20-something who stutters and trying to figure out how to deal with it on top of adulting shenanigans and discovery