What Qualifies Being Called a “Stutterer”
People love to be relatable. They want to be relatable so bad. The number of times I’ve heard the response, “I stutter too sometimes!” Or “We ALL stutter sometimes it’s okay!” Like, cool it, Victoria Justice. Sure people stutter sometimes, I’m not dismissing that. But there is a difference between “stumbling over your words” and not being able to order your food. That is the difference between you and me. That is the difference between a fluent person and a person who stutters.
At least I thought.
If you read my previous article, I was in the process of being part of a research study. First, however, you had to qualify for the research. According to their findings, they wanted people who stuttered that ranged from moderate to severe. Two unscripted and one redo audio recordings later, I was determined to be,
a mild stutterer and not qualified for the research.
You know the saying, “you are your own worst critic?” As a stutterer who has been around fluent folks most of her life, you begin to believe that you are the worst of them.
Without the comparison of what a severe stutterer looked like, I was lost. It only knows what it is not. That is fluency.
So when you get told that you have a mild stutter, you almost feel like a big.fat.liar.
I know this test does not determine anything. I know that, and I have to remember that. Not only that, but it has nothing to do with my speech overall.
As a stutterer, you have good and bad fluency days. Let me explain:
You can have days or moments where you are perfectly fluent. Where one conversation with someone went as smooth as butter, yet an interview later that night could not have been more paralyzing.
This test signifies a moment where I was fluent, and it paid off a little too well.
For me, it almost devalues the fact that I have a stutter. As if saying, I can just freely move within the fluent world because my limitations are not as debilitating as others.
Just the other day, a friend at work was mocking me because I had to redirect folks inside the store, and I kept stuttering on the word around. Funny enough, the entire 2 hours I was directing people, not one person commented on my speech. Perhaps confused (given the situation on its own) but did not poke fun. Only he did.
I have to remember that although my limitations are not as debilitating as others, they are still limitations for me. I still remember this side of me nearly every day.
At this moment in my life, no test can tell me otherwise.
And if anything, it showed that perhaps I am improving. But I will always be a Person Who Stutters.
