We Used to Be Friends
I can’t which one is harder: making new friends or keeping the old ones.
A college friend of mine (1 of 4 I ended up making), sent me a Snapchat flashback on Tuesday. I took this as the initiative to say, “We should catch up sometime!” Now don’t me wrong, I’ve been on the other side of this where I sent something and didn’t actually want to talk at the current moment, but eventually, it will happen. And perhaps this was just one of those instances because after calling them today and it straight to voicemail, I started to consider that the text they sent the night before on their availability was a door leading to a brick wall.
I know anything could have happened. I know I can be dramatic, but this situation is more of an instance of growing concern in my 20’s.
I’m in this Facebook group (how chuegy of me) called Born Zillenial and a woman posted the same concern today. She wrote how much she’s struggling to find friends and keep the old ones. How her friends from high school don’t talk to her anymore. How hard it is to maintain groups when people are in different stages of life than your own. Over a thousand people have reacted to the post and there are over 600 comments.
None of them are answers.
Over 1,700 people from age 20–27 feel exactly the same way. How can this be?
People will say that it’s always been hard to make friends and sure I can agree with that. But when you are in forced environments such as school for 20 years of your life, making friends will eventually happen. It can still be difficult, but it might not be the end-all. Suddenly you’re thrown out upon graduation and told to actually start your life. Everyone has gone their separate ways. They get married. They travel the world. They go to grad school. They move back home. And you’re here in some 9–5 surrounded by co-workers 25 years your senior, wondering why you can’t seem to find a single person to go to the movies with.
I can write another blog about this topic, several probably. But the title here is “We Used to Be Friends.” The ones you try to maintain amongst the varying stages in each other's lives is a piece of work. But there is something I learned a long time ago after I lost a friend.
The people who want to still be in your life will choose to make the effort to do so.
I know this is easier said than done. I know that I could’ve done better on keeping them in my life as well. And for that, I am sorry. But I also want to read the room correctly: if you want to let me go, I can understand that too. But it would pain me to say, “We used to be friends.”
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(This was an excuse to use the phrase because it was the theme song of Veronica Mars. Alexa, play We Used To Be Friends by The Dandy Warhols)
