to be held for a moment
“I remember..”
It was 2 o’clock in the morning. The night was still ungodly humid in New York City despite the hour. Our hangout turned date, (neither of us knew what was going on), was coming to a close. We were sweaty, tired, and definitively drunk. The 1 train was finally coming and I led us inside the air-conditioned car to the last two seats on the end. I was immediately comforted by the weight of his body on my right and the wall car on my left. He offered his hand and I took it. I sat deeper in the orange seat and put my head on his shoulder. He was watching me as I closed my eyes. Not asleep, but at ease. He asked if I was asleep, I said no. We sat in this position until his stop. I looked up at him to ask him what he was thinking about. He said, “sleep.” When he asked me I said,
“This moment, right here.”
I could’ve stayed in the moment until the last stop on the train and then go back and do it all over again
It was one of those moments you read about in the books or watch in movies. Moments that give goosies on my arms. That makes my heart flutter.
It is a yearning,
a desire,
to feel as what they felt in that moment.
So when I finally had that, it was giving me main character. And I was living for it.
But I also didn’t know how much I needed it
We had a great night. There were many highlights.
But nothing can surpass (for me at this moment in time), the need that was fulfilled on the train ride home.
I know he doesn’t love me. Hell, he barely knows me. But I forgot what it felt like to be wanted. I forgot what it felt like to feel some kind of love, some amount of affection, some ounce of attention, in a way that only a connection would affect me.
It brought me joy that I have missed.
It gave me comfort that I did not remember that I could have.
Because it’s been so long…
If you’d like to know, I broke things off with him. Some might say it was too soon. Others say that it’s not over yet. But regardless, I’m thankful for him, for that moment, to remind me what it is like
to be held for a moment.
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#writehere #creatorshub
