So You Didn’t Know Someone Had a Stutter and You Laughed At Them
First off don’t panic
Now there might come a time (or already has) that you may have encountered a Person Who Stutters (PWS) and they did not disclose that they had a stutter and so you laughed.
I have been laughed at hundreds of times because I did not disclose. It never feels good. And usually, if someone is laughing at you and not with you, it does not feel good.
I want to tell you that it is okay. It’s not okay, but it is okay.
Let me know if I’m wrong on this one, but I have noticed that if someone does something that is out of the ordinary and the general first response is that someone laughs about it, it is either because:
a. They are uncomfortable and don’t know how else to respond
b. Trying to make you feel more comfortable
c. Genuinely thought it was funny
d. None of the above: it’s instinctual
I believe it is D. While all of these options have a hint of instinct, laughter is just the first response to many things. Guess how many times you laughed at someone when they were asking for your name?
Your thinking was, “If I don’t respond with something, what else would make it less awkward?”
I am personally telling you not to beat yourself up about it because many of us are socialized this way. It is not your fault. It was not our decision.
But we have the ability and the freedom to change now.
If you cannot understand someone, there is no harm in asking, “I’m sorry can you say that again?”
And if you see someone who might be stumbling over their words, don’t laugh at them. While they don’t have to tell you anything, you also have the agency to be a decent person. It could be a terrible fluency day for them, and the last thing a PWS might want is for someone to remind them that they cannot speak sometimes.
If it was too difficult to understand them the first time, ask them to repeat themselves. It’s not our favorite thing to do, but we want to be understood, and so when you acknowledge that you want them to be understood, it is impactful.
…
I went to Magnolia Bakery the other day, and I could not say the word Banana Pudding. I don’t even know how she got that through a mask on as well, but she did. I did not tell her that I stuttered. She looked at me and listened as best she could. I’ve been laughed at trying to order but not that day.
The relief on my face was huge.
…
So maybe that one interaction you messed up. We all make mistakes. But if you encounter another PWS, your actions will count, and the person you interact with has something they have to struggle with every day.
Don’t be the one to remind them. We already know.
