If you let fear control you, then you’ll never have the life that you want for yourself.
I thought about this as I was getting ready to pack my bags to move back to Berkeley.
It was December 2019. I just graduated. I told myself that if I found a job in the Bay Area, then I would leave. If not, I would stay. Lo and behold, I did. More than that, I was starting a position at an American Ninja Warrior Gym. Despite how grueling I knew it would be, I was in it for the long haul.
But the days leading up to my departure unnerved me.
It was realizing that this was it. I would be off on my own in this big big world. For some reason, accepting the fact that this was my new chapter was…
And suddenly, I did not want to go.
I remember the morning I left. My father was imparting his final words of wisdom to me. It was at that moment I finally broke and confessed how nervous I was. But I had to have faith that all would be well.
And it was, for about three months. Then the pandemic happened.
I learned so much about myself just in those three months alone. The opportunity I took opened more doors and relationships for me. If I never got back in that car and took on that discomfort, I would’ve missed out on a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity.
Tonight, I fly to New York to live there for (at least) six months, and fear is starting to hit again. I know it’s not something that I have to do, but it is something that I want to do. Being home now for so long, I become all too comfortable. It was nice for a while.
But in truth, I have been stuck and it is because of fear.
I’ve been exhausted on how stuck I am.
It’s as if my feet have been coated in cement just as I was about to escape
and with one foot ahead and one foot behind
I have stayed in a bind
with no hope of when I can be free
but knowing full well that the decision is up to me
How have I forgotten the incredible leap of faith I took one year ago?
What I needed to remember is that you grow in the uncomfortable. Yesterday, Lori Wheeler reminded me of just that.
So when it comes to fear:
- fear can push you to new heights
- fear can help you overcome
- fear can lead to breakthroughs
As Lori said, I can ask myself what if I fail, but I can also say, “what if I fly?”
And that is a beautiful note to live by.
And if I don’t then that is okay! But I did the thing because I did not let fear get in the way of it. On top of the fear, and unlike Berkeley, I’m going into this pretty blind, which makes this venture even scarier.
“If you are waiting for the exact blue-print, you will keep waiting” — Lori Webber
I have pushed off far too many choices because I was waiting for the exact blueprint. I simply cannot live like that. Not anymore.
So with that, I’m going to take a deep breath, stay present, and get on this plane.