One of My Biggest Pet Peeves That Fluent People Say To a Person Who Stutters
I get this one nearly every time and it really just grinds my gears
As we continue into this modern age, I think more people have become socialized in “see it to believe it.” For as long as I can remember, that was always a way (regardless of if it was actual proof) to cement the truth in someone’s story. No longer could you be 100% convinced at the wildly entertaining tale your friend tells at the party. And nowadays, we are constantly in surveillance through phones or in the eyes of others.
When did believing but not seeing get so much harder?
This falls into whenever I disclose to a person that I have a stutter.
I was going to say that this pet peeve tends to happen whenever I mention that I stutter to someone that I have already come to know and I have to quickly disclose before I know that I am going to stutter, but now that I think about it, sometimes it does happen upon initial introduction.
Whenever I say that I have a stutter, one of the first things a fluent person will say is:
“I haven’t heard you stutter yet.”
Here’s why that is one of my biggest pet peeves for fluent people:
- I believe you are creating a false sense of security for me.
In some ways, it reminds me of that phrase, “you’re doing great sweetie.” It’s like you’re telling me that I didn’t have to tell you, because you haven’t heard anything yet, and because of that there is no need to say anything.
To be honest, if I don’t tell you, I don’t know how you will react. I don't know you. I’ve gone through this too many times where I do not in fact tell someone and their response was not so friendly. So let’s not brush off that this is a safe space.
2. You are praising the times that I have been fluent (or stuttered at a minimum) around you enough
Kinda in conjunction with the first one
3. okay and?
The fact of the matter is that just because you haven’t heard it or perhaps didn’t pay enough attention does not mean that it’s not going to happen. It is in fact going to happen and that is why I am telling you. I am bracing you for imminent impact. And when it comes, if I get a laugh or a surprised expression or some comment, it is going to come out of your ignorance for not listening or understanding what I meant.
I shouldn’t have to explain myself as to why you haven’t “heard” it yet. That is the impression I get. You should not have to see it to believe me. Even though it might be with good intentions, such a response underlies offensive tones to me.
This is just my opinion. This is my journey with my stutter and the people I have encountered because of it. If you are fluent, I would love to know what this means to you if you’ve said this before or your impression of it. At the end of the day, there is only 1% of us so your interactions may be rare, if at all. Let me know!
