lunch break blues
My friends and I were celebrating Hailey’s birthday in Central Park
The wind down after we’ve wined down
a joyous occasion on a Sunday afternoon
in the late of August
with the heat just starting to cool
A woman in black enters my gaze
she comes to a stop on the park bench
with a heavy sigh and looks ahead dazed
her shoulders look tense
her eyes looked glazed
as if she is aware of where she is
but could not be farther away
I look to see a container in her hand
digging her fork to eat what seems as though is just sustenance
does she have an appetite?
what is she hungry for?
what does she really need?
and where can she get more?
she pauses after every bite to look up at the skyline
is she searching for god?
is there something there she can hope to attain?
or does she hope for a revelation instead of feeling pain?
she looks at her watch
and rolls her eyes at the clock
I’ve been sitting here for hours
receiving bliss as my only thought
she looks down in frustration
could it be contemplation?
or a decision that must be made?
before she returns to the cards she has been dealt with
and try to make it out unscathed?
in the final minutes before the end of the hour
i glance once more
to see her wall break down.
water falls from her eyes
as if they were demanding to push past
she cowers in shame
that they made the breakthrough
shoulders hunched
I see her heave
her breath is broken
she is struggling to breathe
she wipes her eyes quickly
as if no one could see
but I saw her
on her last leg
begging for an answer
and realizing there was none that could amend
as quickly as she wept
she left even quicker
her chest rose and fell
for one last piece of solace
before she made her way back
to who knows where
a place where her tears do not matter
because she must stand tall and do what she has to do
to sleep at night
to make it through
I am her
and she is me
when we are off the clock
in between the tasks of the day
remembering where we are
and where we’re going
and asking ourselves
is this what it means to be alive?
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