I took two months off from applying to jobs
After 15 months of doing so and here’s how I feel now
At first, it was burnout.
I was so drained.
I had been applying since my last semester of college.
When I finally did get a job, I didn’t exactly turn off my Indeed notifications. I knew it wouldn’t pay enough and that I would need a third job. The applications were not as frequent but the search was certainly not over.
Then the pandemic hit and there was even more pressure to find a job during these unprecedented times. I saw so many of my friends or people graduating being able to secure positions during quarantine. While I felt motivated that they were finding success, I was feeling ashamed that I was sitting in my room unable to find anything while they could finish Zoom University and land something at the same time.
I had to remember that this was my own journey. And so I trudged on
Fast forward to 2021
So far, applying to jobs in 2021 has been making it to the final round, just to get the boot.
It was starting to not only get more draining but also discouraging.
What did I need more of to reach home base?
I also felt like after over 100 applications, maybe I didn’t actually want to work in the field I’ve been applying to. Was I applying for the sake of applying or because I really wanted it?
With the prevailing doubt in my mind between not feeling good enough, unsure of what to look for, and the chaos of moving across the country, I stopped.
I took July off and then it just so happened to be August as well
It wasn’t as freeing as I hoped.
The Indeed emails and LinkedIn searches never stopped. I saved plenty and looked often but just never pursued past reading the JD.
I think it hasn’t been as much of a “vacation” as I would’ve liked because I still don’t really know what I want to look for now. I feel incredibly lost and about as hopeless as when I started this two years ago.
I also started to like the job I have now and it pays quite well.
But conversely, I did not move across the country to New York City just to work where I’m working right now.
And while the chore of filling out applications monotonously has given me a sense of relief, I won’t be moving forward without it.
It’s September 1st
It’s time. It’s time to do some research, some soul searching, and some major networking.
School is back in session (and I really gotta put this degree to use already).
You know the assignment. Let’s get to work.
