I Hate and Love That I Have a Crush: Dear Diary- 21 July 2021

I’ll see myself out if I’m the only one

So you know you were (or should’ve been at least) stuck in the house for a good year. Maybe you are still inside who knows, but for the most part now you are out and about. You are finally meeting new people, going to places, and resuming some type of life outside your cramped dwellings.

While you were inside however I’m sure I was not the only one that was doing a lot of thinking. And I mean a lot. Now while some of my friends decided to still date during the pandemic (later on), I decided to keep the apps closed, and that left me plenty of time to think about the boys of my past.

Regé-Jean Page can only distract me for so long before I remember how wildly unattainable that is for me.

But today I am proud to announce that I am thinking about someone new!!

If there is something you should know about me is that I am quite the daydreamer. Call it a creative and imaginative mind. So because I had nothing else on my mind besides my functional depression and Battlestar Galactica, my head was pretty empty.

But like some, I was yearning for something new, someone new. But I waited.

Fast forward to right now where I feel honestly elated for having a ~crush~ on someone.

Having a crush on someone reminded me of that part of being alive

It has everything and nothing to do with him.

It has everything to do with him because I obviously need someone that excites me — they pique my interest and make me want to know more about them.

But it has nothing to do with him because for me it is about the feeling.

I forgot what it feels like to be interested in someone. To smile at the thought of my interactions with them, anticipate when I will see them next, and be hilariously underwhelmed to discover how much I made up in my head in contrast to who they really are.

At least that’s how it goes for me.

So don’t mind me. I will be just in la la land and enjoy the ride.

But I can’t be the only one right?