i almost lost my mind in June
These last 30 days have felt like 3 years.
Do you know when they say to live in the present? Well, I felt every day of this month to its core.
I have never:
- seen the sunrise so often in my lifetime
- traveled so much
- been more afraid
- taken so many risks
- been more unsure about where my life was going to go
- changed jobs so quickly
- had to trust in the process more
- felt more like I couldn’t catch up
I have moved, adjusted, flew back, readjusted, started a job, ended a job, started another job, spent money, got money, got lost, was alone, felt like I was drowning, stopped working out, doubted the direction I had taken.
And I almost lost my mind.
I can’t tell if it's better or worse to feel so overwhelmed when you already have so much more to think about. It was as if each time my panic was rising on all the doubt, and the emotion, and the frustration, that I couldn’t even process it until I had the time to do so and I didn’t even have that.
I think a part of me was overwhelmed because my life up to this point was at a 0. If I ran errands for two days in a row I was exhausted. The pandemic slowed activities down so much that my typical day before covid would not have impacted me in the ways that it does now. So to have gone from a quite literal 0–100 overnight, was a rush that I was not anticipating to be so overwhelming. I was not expecting to feel as if my feet would fail me, that my body would collapse, and I would have no will to get out of bed.
You are never prepared for what life throws at you.
The only mindset I could focus on to push through it was just trying to do my best every day. I had to readjust what “my best” meant. If it meant that I went to work, wrote my blog, and cooked dinner then okay. If it meant that I ran my errands, stretched, and called my friend back then okay.
I could not do it all in one day every day. And I knew that everything would be done eventually.
I stopped apologizing for everything I didn’t get done and only focused on what I could get done.
How I didn’t lose my mind in June was reestablishing that everything I do would be Good Enough.
Forgive yourself if you fall. Be kind to yourself if you have to go slower. But I promise you, you just have to get through it. And you will. I believe in you.
