I almost got got by the classic “nice guy” — revisited

Is the Nice Guy Trope the exception to Box Theory?

Hello again,

The last time we spoke my blood was still boiling over the dating experience that everyone else knew would have no good ending. I almost (quite literally almost) got got by the classic Nice Guy. After I wrote the article, I took some days off to finally simmer down because while some of my best work I believe is driven by emotion, it can also be to my biggest detriment. But one question still had me in a greater state of confusion:

Is the Nice Guy the exception to Box Theory?

Photo by Rae Wallis on Unsplash

What is Box Theory?

“Box Theory” is a concept coined by Tinx, a content creator, digital media influencer, and my online dating coach. She posted her video about Box Theory onto Tik Tok which garnered millions of engagements, so much so that Ryan Secrest had her on-air to talk about the concept. This is based on her and other women’s hetero dating relationships and experiences.

To paraphrase: She believes that on the first date, a man will immediately put you in a box.
There is:
1. He wants to date you
2. He wants to sleep with you
3. He wants nothing to do with you (which could mean friends or just a swipe left)

Now if he wants to date you, you can do anything on the date. You could vomit on his sweater mom’s spaghetti and he’d still swoon at the thought of just spending a moment more with you.

If he wants to sleep with you, however, he might not care as much. He might be a little spotty on the DM’s, asking you to come over to chill, maybe a little flaky. But more importantly, the ball is in your court. You can decide when you want to sleep with him because at the end of the day you know that he’s willing to wait if that’s just what he wants. There’s no rush to come home with him and once its done then its done.

But if he wants nothing to do with you…well don’t close the apps just yet.

Makes sense?

Box Theory is supposed to be empowering to women

Because men are on a one-track mind, it should be relatively obvious what they’re looking for. Yet, if it is one of the first two, then you have the power to decide where to take it from there. And if you’ve seen this kind of pattern before in your dating experience I might have just wowed you.

But what does this have to do about the Nice Guy?

My question for Tinx is: is the Nice Guy the exception to the Box Theory?

Perhaps this isn’t new information to anyone but myself, but the Nice Guy threw off my idea of the Box Theory.

Why?

Because I instantly felt like he wanted to date me. I pushed him away, I acted weird, hell, I even broke things off at some point. Yet he still persisted. He wanted to go out with me, he loved spending time with me (his words not mine). He was willing to take things slow. He was okay with at the end of the night I didn’t go home with him. So I obviously assumed that I was in the date box, sweet!

So fast forward to the end of our entanglement. He’s dumping all his frustrations about how he never did end up sleeping with me to my friend, yet not a word was said about what he could do to take me back, to save whatever could’ve possibly had been saved.

He only cared about the sex.

Isn’t that what a Nice Guy does? Makes you feel like he’s not like the other guys who are just dogs, but instead will treat you right.

But then turn around to be the same as the rest of them?

The Nice Guy blurred the lines between wanting to date and wanting to sleep with you.

This was the experience for me. And I’d like to know if it was anyone else. Because if it also was, then how do we navigate the Box Theory when we think that we encounter the Nice Guy? Do we just assume it can be one or the other? Or am I just too new to dating to not have noticed that the answer was there all along?

That there was never an exception, the Nice Guy always wants one thing and one thing only?

Let me know because I can’t get back out there without a confirmation.

A 20-something who stutters and trying to figure out how to deal with it on top of adulting shenanigans and discovery