Hey 20-Somethings, Go on Dates with Yourself!

Ticket for one, please

Today I took myself to the museum. Because I have gone on many dates with myself, it took me until I walked into the building that this was the first time I was going to a museum on my own.

Suddenly I felt a little off-kilter. Aren’t you suppose to go with at least one other person? Aren’t you suppose to enjoy this moment with someone else?

News flash: you don’t. It’s actually great if you don’t sometimes.

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Photo by Robert Bye on Unsplash

Perhaps this is the introvert in me, but I truly enjoy my time alone. Even when I was in a relationship there were still plenty of occasions I would see a movie alone or travel somewhere alone. I know there are people who cannot fathom not having a plus one with them anywhere they go.

Think of it this way: how often do you do your errands alone? How often do you: get gas, buy groceries, go to the bank, get Starbucks, go to the mall? Often than not, you are doing these tasks on your own. In fact, it might even be a headache sometimes to have someone come along with you? Why do you think that might be? Is it because you think you’ll get it done faster? They’re a distraction? Or that you enjoy the time that you spend with yourself in those situations?

Doing activities with yourself is not that different. It just takes some getting used to.

Reasons why I love to do things alone:

1. My schedule, my time: I don’t have to worry about me or them being late, going too fast, or too slow. I can leave when I want, etc.
2. Decision-making is all mine: What I say goes and that’s because it's just me!
3. Probably cheaper: The chances of your friend or partner wanting something extra or a bite to eat afterward, whatever it may be, it is going to add up and if was just you, you probably would’ve skipped out on it.
4. Finding comfort with yourself: This one might take some practice but rewarding once you get there. If you can answer the question: If I go do this thing will I be happy that I did even if I didn’t have anyone there? Then you are set.
5. A different perspective: More on that below

I’m not going to lie to you, sometimes I have trouble answering the #4 question. Just a few weeks ago I went to Smorgusboard for the first time. While I thought it would’ve been nice to have someone to split food or something, it really didn’t hit me until I was standing in line and suddenly noticing all the people who were not alone. Then I thought, “oh god I probably look like a loner.” I continued to think that as I was scrambling to find a seat at a table like it was the high school cafeteria.

So how did I get over that?

Well, I was 1. Grateful that once I was done I could just leave. 2. It was food so I was going to be happy regardless. 3. What’s weirder than being alone eating food at a table is the other guy in shock that they couldn’t have done that if they wanted to.

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A different perspective

When I went to the museum today, I saw how many people were also alone. I wouldn’t have ever kept track of that if someone were right next to me. Speaking of other people, being in a museum with someone can be very distracting. Whether it be a group or a plus one, if they aren’t on the same interest level as you are, either you are being dragged or they are. My sister, mother, and I went to the Jewish Museum and I could clearly tell both of them lost interest about halfway through. At that point, you’re stem rolling through insightful information because they are.

I was actually shocked after being in there for 20 minutes that I was still standing in the same corner! I could actually take my time! I had no pressure. If my feet weren’t eating me alive (I wore the wrong shoes Lord) I probably would’ve been in there all day because I actually could! In addition, I went to the exhibition I wanted to see eventually and then after that, I grazed through the Monet and then I left! Because I could!

I had a lovely time. I enjoyed my company. With a mask on, I could quite literally talk to myself. All I needed was the art voiceover stuff and I would’ve been set.

I didn’t play any music. I didn’t ignore everyone else around me. People saw that I was a 20-something girl alone in a museum like some John Green book and I noticed them. And I was perfectly okay with that.

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There is beauty in being in your own company. It also makes for some great stories down the line.

If you’re in a good mental space, don’t be afraid to be with your own thoughts sometimes in public settings. You’ll always find that you aren’t alone and you don’t know what you will discover about yourself.