Finding a Therapist I Could Relate to Changed my Life
I started going to therapy as soon as I could afford it. That meant college.
The two I went to over the course of a year were a total bust. I’ll save another story regarding how that went for later.
Fast forward to a program I took part in a few months ago. Whilst doing our main coursework, they also offered a slew of health and wellbeing resources including therapy. After the rather negative experience I had, I was both hesitant and excited to get back into therapy. I went ahead anyway. I knew at least if it didn’t work out, my interactions with them would be limited.
Despite having our meetings on Zoom, Elena and I clicked. She had a great personality and overall just seemed genuinely excited to help.
After a few sessions, I dropped that I had a stutter. I put it more as a matter of fact while talking about another issue I was having. Suddenly the conversation shifted more about my stutter. I grew tense. I was open but tense. The last time I brought up my stutter to a therapist, I was shut down. Since Elena wasn’t an SLP (Speech-Language Pathologist), I also understood that she might not have any knowledge of it and to that, might not even care to dive deeper into that part of myself. So I tried to not talk about it.
Until one day.
The session that Elena said that she understood my issues as a person with Cerebral Palsy was the day that the walls broke.
Someone with Cerebral Palsy and someone with a stutter is not the same. She has a physical disability. I have a speech disorder. I can do things she can’t, and she can do things that I can’t. But there was a bond of understanding. And that is where I felt seen for the first time.
We spoke about our communities, we spoke about our dislikes, our growing pains, and our acceptance journies surrounding our issue.
But Elena also got me to reconsider how much my stutter has affected the way I have relationships, how I act, and even my personality. And when she dug into places that reached the core of my soul, I was left speechless, baffled by how the web of my actions could be traced back to the inner workings of an identity I never chose to consider.
While other therapists never saw that in me, perhaps it was because they simply could not relate. But Elena could.
She did not have to tell me anything. I’ve only ever seen her on zoom. Most people in the program never knew of her disability. But she saw that she could make a deeper connection with me in hopes to help me and that was impactful not only for my own growth but for her as well.
I don’t know if I would have made the progress I had if we didn’t have anything in common. But I know myself better because of it.
Thank you, Elena.
