Educating Friends You Already Have That You Stutter
If you’ve become my friend in the past 20 or so years, there’s a good chance I never told you that I had a stutter. My bad.
It really had nothing to do with you and all the more to do with me. Let me give you two perspectives on navigating this topic in case you’ve met someone like me.
If you are the friend of a PWS (Person Who Stutters)
- The biggest thing you should take away is to not act like you already knew. If you figured it out, congratulations I guess. But this moment is for them, and they are not here to praise your keen observations.
Right now it is taking them a lot of courage and vulnerability to be open with you, even if it has taken them years to do so. If it’s been a long friendship, this is a part of their identity that has taken some time for them to come to terms with, and while the obvious is not new, this experience is. Respect that.
2. Be courteous and respectful
Not much more to say on that
3. Say something like:
“I appreciate you telling me that. Thank you.”
“Thank you for sharing and opening up with me about this.”
“Dude! Thank you for telling me! If there’s anything you want to tell me to best help support you I am all ears. Love you.”
“Not a problem. I’d love to talk more about how I can help.”
Just let them know that they are seen and heard. That is all.
If you are a PWS opening up to friends
First off, how exciting! This is the first step to accepting more of yourself. This might be your first interaction with a friend or you’ve known each other since you were in diapers, but regardless here are some things that helped me:
- Tackling the “we already know” response
This was me with my close friend group. You wanted to have your moment. This is your coming-out story. I’ve come to understand that they just want you to know that they’ve accepted you regardless.
If you have a friend/friends who you think might have this response preface by saying this:
“Now I know you probably already know this, but what I have to tell you is important for me to do and it is to help me. So with that being said, I am a person who stutters…”
Hopefully, this garners a more positive response in return.
2. Be open to starting a conversation
Depending on your script, you might end it open by allowing them to ask questions about stuttering. You might not. Regardless, now that it's out in the open, be aware that they may start a conversation or ask questions about it. I know sometimes you don’t always want to talk about it. However, if they know more about your situation, they could help another PWS that come their way, and you are now the reason why that person is better equipped in the future.
There’s a lot to learn on both sides. The fact of the matter is that you both are understanding each other as people. I hope with opening up and understanding the other will bring forth a more prosperous relationship!
Good luck!
