Are they standoffish or are they really just an introvert?
And where the silver lining is
I was a pretty introverted kid growing up. As a student, I would shoot for all A’s as quietly as I could. If I did anything loud or seemingly out of the ordinary for a standard “introvert,” it would send shockwaves to those around me, who would be in awe of such passion out of a person with a quiet voice.
But then as I grew older and began to make more friends, they would later confess to me why it took so long to be my friend: intimidation.
Intimidate: to frighten or overawe (someone), especially in order to make them do what one wants.
I was dumbstruck. If I recall correctly, I think I laughed the first few times. Me? I scare people? I mean sure, when I’m out here on these streets I’m straight gangster, but in reality, if I killed a bee on accident I probably wouldn’t forgive myself.
So it was astounding to me how people got that idea when I literally did not do anything. Did my face put you off? Was my body language not inviting? All of these questions started to swim in my head for why someone as unassuming as myself could repel people.
Its the quietness for me
Naturally, it came as a surprise when I started to read articles on the intricacies of personality behaviors and how introverts could be perceived as being standoffish or intimidating. It was simply because of the non-pervasive demeanor. The quiet type who has difficulty making friends or socializing in new environments or situations could be also read as closed off. That their lack thereof communication or being invited means that they don’t want to talk to you. I thought for a long time that it was obvious that people like me struggled — do you not see us backed in a corner of the room wondering what to do with our hands?
I’ve tried to break down this disillusion as best as I can, not just for myself but those around me who I know are also more introverted. The work environment is the most troublesome one at that. You know at the end of the day not everyone will like you. People will have their work friends and then just coworkers. For me, if the vibes are not there, then that is okay, I will keep it professional and default to my introverted self, but by no means does that translate into me not wanting to speak to you.
I know I can’t please everyone. And I also know that being the quiet type is not a bad thing. I wish however that people understood that there are no ill intentions if we’re not as outwardly inviting as those on the other end of the spectrum. We talk to those that we are comfortable with and slowly warm up to those who are not. It’s nothing personal. If we like you, we might muster a high and hopefully, you can hear it.
