7 Days to 24

Being 23 in a pandemic just hits different

Now, I understand that we’re all going through a similar thing, a new thing, and a different thing, in a pandemic. We all have different experiences as far as why going through a pandemic as a child or going through a pandemic as a highschooler or person who is employed or a person who is unemployed all has its different challenges and are all valid.

So let me speak on being 23 in a pandemic.

1. When you look back in your prime years to realize they were spent stuck inside your house, is probably something you wish you could take back.

Let me tell you what I thought I was going to be doing when I was 23 in 2020:

When I graduated at a young 22.5 year old, it started off as taking multiple jobs at places that I enjoyed, looking into applying for jobs in Australia, and saving up money to travel the world at 23.

The most important part was that I was going to travel the world.

Instead I traveled to and from my bedroom to the kitchen.

Out of all the uncertainty and lack of answers you get after graduation, traveling and living a care free life before you settle down was one I was most excited about.

2. Being 23 in a Pandemic was a hyper juxtaposed

First was the productivity machine

You had speakers, businessmen, entrepreneurs, yelling on LinkedIn about how this was the time to start your business, ways to have multiple side hustles, gaining hard skills to become a better job candidate. News channels were ini-dated with the notion of productivity and how you can create your own financial endeavors right at home. And it was being done! You would read the stories of these 20-somethings. So when you were bingeing your show for the third night in a row calling it self care, in the back of your mind you probably believed you were wasting your time and started to consider actually attempting something the next day.

I did not stop, not once.

I was always trying to do something. I might have slowed down, sure. But my resume never once went “last edited a month ago” or I didn’t not read about market trends or taking a skill share class. It was probably worse than committing 100% or not doing anything at all. Because it always meant if I did some THING than at least it was better than nothing. But was it?

I was constantly filled with anxiety in a time where the one thing you should be proud about is not contracting a virus. That was good enough.

But then there was the good enough mentality

We’re in a pandemic!

You just graduated!

The economy is in shambles it’s okay if you can’t find a job! You are not alone.

People are dying Kim! You are still alive be grateful you are still okay.

You are doing the best you can. Life is hard enough as it is right now.

We are in unprecedented times. It can be emotionally taxing to do so much. You don’t have too. Stay self and healthy is enough.

Getting out of bed is enough.

You are good enough.

It was a movement of self care and self affirmation. It was the notion that you doing the bare minimum was good enough to justify why to weren’t doing more. Even though I faired better than many people that I know, I had an unhealthy relationship with my health at 23 and used exercise to check off my bare minimum productivity box while also justifying my excessive baking. Days when I would only apply to one job I’d think to myself that that was okay and that was good enough because at least I tried.

I still couldn’t let go completely, but when I did, their words comforted me.

People would sympathize losing so much, having to live at home, not getting the jobs their degrees prepared them for. I felt an outpour of love and an understanding that all will be well and just be proud to still be standing today.

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This back and forth was mind bending. It was as if I was constantly spinning from one way to another. That is what 23 felt like in a pandemic.

You know friends who had their jobs this whole time.

You know friends who moved back home.

You know friends who were unemployed.

Birthdays in tulum or at a club were lost.

Concerts refunded.

Group trips canceled while you all haven’t settled down yet.

The longing to want to be alive and live to your fullest has never felt more desperate at 23. Because you only feel like with each passing age, the chance of experiencing that get slimmer.

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With seven days left, in some ways being 23 is still the same. Waves of uncertainty, aloneness, and fear warp your mind. Living is not an experience, but instead, physically awake.

I want to be more optimistic at 24.

But knowing that we’re still in a pandemic does not make me any more sure.