3 Things Not To Do When You Meet A Person Who Stutters
Call it the fundamentals of conversation
As you fluent people go out into the world, you may encounter a PWS (Person Who Stutters). While this encounter could be taking their Starbucks order or meeting them at a work party, here are three pieces of advice to keep in mind.
- I do not speak for all PWS. These tidbits of advice are from my personal experience and from a few other PWS.
- Do Not Interrupt
This should be a no-brainer. Who would interrupt you while you are having a conversation? Over time, I have come to realize that if you pause for more than a beat longer than what the flow of the conversation was, the listener will more than likely either try to fill in the words, ask you what’s wrong, or simply just talk over you. You might think that you are helping by “filling in the blank” if you already know what we’re going to say. I get it! You’re just helping us out. For me, it is not seen as helping. No one is going to give you praise for being rude, point-blank.
I understand where I come from, it is a high-paced society. Life moves fast, people move faster, and when it comes to conversations, the tempo does not wane. I have personally tried practicing speaking faster in fear that I’m already wasting someone’s time, but spoiler alert, when we stutter it doesn't come out any faster than how we want it. One’s *block or repetition will be as slow as it may.
Here’s how I see it- if I give time to listen to you, then you should give time to listen to me. You can no longer assume that everyone is on the same pace as you, quite literally. My blocks are not for you to play Wheel of Fortune with my words. Unless I ask, it is my story to tell and I would prefer to tell it.
2. Don’t Freak Out (aka: Don’t look away)
So you're standing there and suddenly you see someone stuttering- their eyes start rapidly blinking, their jaw is tense. You don’t know what to do. A part of you thinks it actually might be polite to look away, to make us more comfortable. By staying engaged, and not getting all shifty like you’re on a first date and don’t know what to do with your hands, you are letting them know that you are listening. You are acknowledging them in that space. Simply put: it is common courtesy.
3. Don’t Laugh
You might believe otherwise but in all honesty, no one owes you anything. Some PWS might not *disclose/advertise their stutter and that is up to them. (There’s a lot of discourse about this practice within the community that I can delve into). Laughing to alleviate the uncomfortableness of a situation is quite normal. You are making both parties be more at ease given whatever awkward situation they landed themselves in. Laughing if you see someone stutter is just not the same. If I don’t disclose my stutter to a cashier and end up stuttering and they laugh, it feels personal. It feels as if you are laughing at me because whatever I am doing looks or sounds funny to you. It's like if some random person just bullied you for no reason and you’re like “Woah I’m just existing here, who hurt you?” That small laugh creates more anxiety with a right hook of shame for the PWS. And again you might think “well maybe I wouldn’t have laughed if they just told me.” Listen, some people just want to live their lives without having to disclose every time they encounter someone.
All the things I said here aren’t difficult to follow. When Mama said “look at me when I’m talking to you” and “don’t talk over people,” she had a point. These statements should transcend beyond speaking to people who stutter and if there’s anything to take away from here it is just that. To be patient and have empathy are traits that when someone like me is having a bad fluency day, really appreciate.
- *block: the inability to get a word/sound out. Can appear as a repetition or locked tension in the jaw.
- *disclose/advertise: stating to someone upon or early on in meeting that you have a stutter.
